Je t'en supplie, regarde on était si bien, comme à l'abri de leurs chagrins quotidiens. Non, rien n'est fini, sans toi je me sens perdu. Si tu t'enfuis, si j'ai trop bu, je n'suis plus
tout ce que je fais est pour vous <3
-sf
-sf
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
27. Days Become Weeks
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
The days are becoming week now and nothing much has changed as I expected. As a matter of fact, things have changed just in the wrong direction. I see her twice a week which is a blessing for me but feels like it's her worst days of the week. Once a week I get this sense of hope that she'll change her mind and will run back into my arms but I know that day seems farther than Jupiter. I feel like whenever she is alone with me she's a different person but when she is with her friend she acts another way; almost like if I wasn't there. She has seen me in the library a couple times and I've always felt ignored (can't blame her she's pushing me away) but still I don't understand how someone could "love" another and simply ignore them or not acknowledge they are they and not act like it's some stranger you just met from class. We've known each other for 5 years now and one would think that the level of respect and politeness would be there but I guess she truly wants me out of her life.
Today she was wearing a beautiful florescent dress with black high top converse. Her hair was down like it usually is, and I absorbed her scent since she walked in the room. She said "hey" and I said "hi" but I thought she would approach me but she did the opposite, she walked away to another table. I was doing homework but after a couple minutes of constantly staring at her and watching how happy she was at that moment and now once she looked back to see me. I gather my belonging and stepped out to a new location to avoid weeping and putting myself to ridicule. I didn't even say bye because I didn't want to interrupt her interaction with her friend and wanted to avoid breaking down in front of her.
It's sad how things change, maybe for the best or for the worst. Seems like for the worst for me. I have not managed to be happy for more than 2 hours in this year. To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to achieve that until she comes back to me which seems like an eternity away.
-sf
The days are becoming week now and nothing much has changed as I expected. As a matter of fact, things have changed just in the wrong direction. I see her twice a week which is a blessing for me but feels like it's her worst days of the week. Once a week I get this sense of hope that she'll change her mind and will run back into my arms but I know that day seems farther than Jupiter. I feel like whenever she is alone with me she's a different person but when she is with her friend she acts another way; almost like if I wasn't there. She has seen me in the library a couple times and I've always felt ignored (can't blame her she's pushing me away) but still I don't understand how someone could "love" another and simply ignore them or not acknowledge they are they and not act like it's some stranger you just met from class. We've known each other for 5 years now and one would think that the level of respect and politeness would be there but I guess she truly wants me out of her life.
Today she was wearing a beautiful florescent dress with black high top converse. Her hair was down like it usually is, and I absorbed her scent since she walked in the room. She said "hey" and I said "hi" but I thought she would approach me but she did the opposite, she walked away to another table. I was doing homework but after a couple minutes of constantly staring at her and watching how happy she was at that moment and now once she looked back to see me. I gather my belonging and stepped out to a new location to avoid weeping and putting myself to ridicule. I didn't even say bye because I didn't want to interrupt her interaction with her friend and wanted to avoid breaking down in front of her.
It's sad how things change, maybe for the best or for the worst. Seems like for the worst for me. I have not managed to be happy for more than 2 hours in this year. To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to achieve that until she comes back to me which seems like an eternity away.
-sf
Monday, February 1, 2016
26. Drug that kills
Monday, February 1
I'll give up anything just to feel you again.
Just a moment respite from the hell I live in. If there's anything I could say to you, let it be this, it's only everything about you that I miss.
I know that the way I see you isn't the way you see me. I can see that slow lost of feel and that's what makes me even more sad.
I wanted you to be there for this special day of me entering officially to a new nationality and you said no.
That adds pain to the already beat down me.
25. Constant Tangent Line
Monday, February 1
I apologize for not being able to write periodically. I started school again and i'm enrolled in lots of Economics classes (5) and one biology class so I got plenty on my plate. I'll try to write more often even if blogs are 1 paragraph long.
I've been off all social media for the past 3 weeks, it is kind of pointless to me at the moment because I don't have anything good or happy to share since I'm not with you. I made a promise with myself to not shave off my facial hair until something defining happens between us. Can go either good or bad but I made it past that awkward beard point where the hairs are super hard.
Not being on social media has tremendously impacted me in some way. I thought it'll help me so I don't constantly look at your photos but then again I have a ton on my phone so that kind of defeats the purpose don't it?
I realized not being on social media it limits the amount of people that truly talk to me without me having to start a conversation. That is usually the case. Im looking for people to chat or enjoy a convo vs them looking for me.
Not being on social media has helped me to be more aware of the current news, the stock market, currencies, etc. I check them periodically; not just because I like to keep up with them, but also because I'm constantly thinking of you and I need a gateway to get you out of my mind. But it's like asking for the sun not to rise in the morning.
I'm sure we have all heard that cheesy phrase; "if you love someone enough, you'll let them go" but I've always wonder what if they didn't want you to though?
I want to kiss you in the most connotative way, so the dictionary has to add to its definition that a kiss describes how your lungs could be filled with the sweetest air possible, and yet you would still be so breathless.
But back to these constant thoughts, I can't sometimes and it sucks. I dream of you coming back to me but I know I should let that dream go since it won't happen anytime soon.
What is more deadly, a gun or a thought?
A gun gives you the opportunity but a thought pulls the trigger.
I've been off all social media for the past 3 weeks, it is kind of pointless to me at the moment because I don't have anything good or happy to share since I'm not with you. I made a promise with myself to not shave off my facial hair until something defining happens between us. Can go either good or bad but I made it past that awkward beard point where the hairs are super hard.
Not being on social media has tremendously impacted me in some way. I thought it'll help me so I don't constantly look at your photos but then again I have a ton on my phone so that kind of defeats the purpose don't it?
I realized not being on social media it limits the amount of people that truly talk to me without me having to start a conversation. That is usually the case. Im looking for people to chat or enjoy a convo vs them looking for me.
Not being on social media has helped me to be more aware of the current news, the stock market, currencies, etc. I check them periodically; not just because I like to keep up with them, but also because I'm constantly thinking of you and I need a gateway to get you out of my mind. But it's like asking for the sun not to rise in the morning.
I'm sure we have all heard that cheesy phrase; "if you love someone enough, you'll let them go" but I've always wonder what if they didn't want you to though?
I want to kiss you in the most connotative way, so the dictionary has to add to its definition that a kiss describes how your lungs could be filled with the sweetest air possible, and yet you would still be so breathless.
But back to these constant thoughts, I can't sometimes and it sucks. I dream of you coming back to me but I know I should let that dream go since it won't happen anytime soon.
What is more deadly, a gun or a thought?
A gun gives you the opportunity but a thought pulls the trigger.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
24. Tu Me Manques
Sunday, January 3rd 2016
These past weeks since you've been gone have been the roughest I've experienced in a while. I've spend hours figuring out the words to say to you but no combination of twenty six different letters could ever accurately capture even a sliver of what this feeling is. I just simply miss you a lot.
I tried to write down what I felt but somehow the draft I created was clearly empty. I could not describe it any better. I'm not myself when you aren't around me.
I've been trying to get better with my French so we can talk behind peoples back when we are out and only we can communicate without everyone else knowing haha :)
Yet I noticed that in french you can't really say "I miss you". You say "tu me manques" which translated to "you are missing from me"
At first I thought that's weird but the more nights I was up the more I understood. I love that translation because "you are missing from me" implies that you are a part of me, you are essentially to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you. That has been the closest I've come across from trying to describe and write down what I feel when I am asked about you.
-sf
These past weeks since you've been gone have been the roughest I've experienced in a while. I've spend hours figuring out the words to say to you but no combination of twenty six different letters could ever accurately capture even a sliver of what this feeling is. I just simply miss you a lot.
I tried to write down what I felt but somehow the draft I created was clearly empty. I could not describe it any better. I'm not myself when you aren't around me.
I've been trying to get better with my French so we can talk behind peoples back when we are out and only we can communicate without everyone else knowing haha :)
Yet I noticed that in french you can't really say "I miss you". You say "tu me manques" which translated to "you are missing from me"
At first I thought that's weird but the more nights I was up the more I understood. I love that translation because "you are missing from me" implies that you are a part of me, you are essentially to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you. That has been the closest I've come across from trying to describe and write down what I feel when I am asked about you.
-sf
Thursday, December 17, 2015
23. [blank]
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Finally done with my semester, been waiting for this moment for so long. But now that this day is here, it makes me more and more sad because I know this thing between us isn't going to happen anytime soon. It just makes me so mad that you asked for this space to focus on school yet you didn't utilize the time properly to perform like you told me million times.
It just hurts so much because out of all the people who have ripped me to shreds, why on Earth did it have to be you.
But unfortunately thats a part of life, broken hearts are nothing new. Nothing interesting, its just a thing, most the time expected like right now. Broken hearts are like the weather, sometimes its good or sometimes is bad.
But here's the thing, trying to move on from you has been my toughest task. Not just because its you, but because I don't know how to heal my broken heart. I look for signs on your face, for you to miss me, but you don't, and I need to find a way around my heart.
One day, you're going to miss the little text messages I send you. You're going to miss how I used to worry about you when you were out too late. You're going to miss my annoyingness. One day, when I'm gone, you're going to miss how you actually had someone that actually wanted you. And when I'm not there, you're going to miss me.
I shared with you my most intimate moments, given you things that I would never give someone else. I ran the high risk of giving you a ring knowing how you fell but I didn't care. But I didn't know that your reaction, your words, your actions that followed after would make me feel so vulnerable and that's why I feel [blank].
Yet the worst part is that I still love you, and I always will. And deep down i'll always be waiting for you because i've never known anyone as breathtaking as you.
Finally done with my semester, been waiting for this moment for so long. But now that this day is here, it makes me more and more sad because I know this thing between us isn't going to happen anytime soon. It just makes me so mad that you asked for this space to focus on school yet you didn't utilize the time properly to perform like you told me million times.
It just hurts so much because out of all the people who have ripped me to shreds, why on Earth did it have to be you.
But unfortunately thats a part of life, broken hearts are nothing new. Nothing interesting, its just a thing, most the time expected like right now. Broken hearts are like the weather, sometimes its good or sometimes is bad.
But here's the thing, trying to move on from you has been my toughest task. Not just because its you, but because I don't know how to heal my broken heart. I look for signs on your face, for you to miss me, but you don't, and I need to find a way around my heart.
One day, you're going to miss the little text messages I send you. You're going to miss how I used to worry about you when you were out too late. You're going to miss my annoyingness. One day, when I'm gone, you're going to miss how you actually had someone that actually wanted you. And when I'm not there, you're going to miss me.
I shared with you my most intimate moments, given you things that I would never give someone else. I ran the high risk of giving you a ring knowing how you fell but I didn't care. But I didn't know that your reaction, your words, your actions that followed after would make me feel so vulnerable and that's why I feel [blank].
Yet the worst part is that I still love you, and I always will. And deep down i'll always be waiting for you because i've never known anyone as breathtaking as you.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
22. Maybe We Are Friends Maybe We Are More
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
It's hard not to fall in love with someone, when they see the mixed up parts of your soul.
When they understand the darkest and dustiest corners of your mind, when it's four 4 am and they call because they know you're not asleep. But I have not yet ascertained whether you love me or not. Whether you just like the idea of having me or whether you actually want me.
I want us to stay up all night talking about what's on our hearts because no one can make me feel as comfortable as you and no one has won my trust the way you still do.
And my frustration grows every day because you wouldn't listen when I told you how I felt, like when I admitted to be broken and you forgot that I was not healed a week later. I felt so lonely yet you know how to get to me and you are able to turn my world around in a second.
Now my thoughts cannot move an inch without bumping into some piece of you and I cannot stop myself from constantly falling into you. I dream of the day you want us to be together again but this time forever. I just hope that moments happens sooner than I expect because when I see you, I just want to be with you and never let go.
s.f
It's hard not to fall in love with someone, when they see the mixed up parts of your soul.
When they understand the darkest and dustiest corners of your mind, when it's four 4 am and they call because they know you're not asleep. But I have not yet ascertained whether you love me or not. Whether you just like the idea of having me or whether you actually want me.
I want us to stay up all night talking about what's on our hearts because no one can make me feel as comfortable as you and no one has won my trust the way you still do.
And my frustration grows every day because you wouldn't listen when I told you how I felt, like when I admitted to be broken and you forgot that I was not healed a week later. I felt so lonely yet you know how to get to me and you are able to turn my world around in a second.
Now my thoughts cannot move an inch without bumping into some piece of you and I cannot stop myself from constantly falling into you. I dream of the day you want us to be together again but this time forever. I just hope that moments happens sooner than I expect because when I see you, I just want to be with you and never let go.
s.f
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