29. Out of my hands

Sunday, July 17th, 2016.

Haven't blogged in over 4 months! Wow, I gotta stop being busy and continue to let some feelings out vs keeping them in. Here's a recap of my life these past 4 months (not that exciting but here it comes)

Not much has really changed really lol. Finished the semester, though it was a sad one since I'm not longer going to have classes with her since she graduated. Sucks that I was not invited to her graduation, that really hurt me but what can you do. Hmm two of my good friends got married in May so that was exciting, extremely happy for them and wish them nothing but the best. I started working at a financial institution which I cannot reveal the name due to social media policies we have but it's ok. I'm still adapting to it and making myself more comfortable so I like it. Still hoping I can get that government job I want so badly so I feel more comfortable once I graduate college (may 2017) 

-Have not recorded anything new as far as music wise so I'm trying to get that done because I know once school starts it is going to be a pain to do it.

-I'm trying to get back into basketball once again since I feel like I sorta felt out of technique and passion for it but just due to lack of time. 

-I went to the Bernie Sanders parade back in March, that was pretty cool. 

-Kobe Bryant aka my idol retired so that was pretty emotional day for me. 

-Letting my hair and facial hair grow but honestly it is just another way for me to get distracted and not think about her. 

-Got my barona membership and I've been going every once in awhile to keep myself busy, I'd say I won more times than I'd lost so that's always a good thing.

-Been to a few baseball games with friends; one of those games I went with my biological father whom I've not seen in 16 years so that happened, it was sort of weird. 

-Had a couple family parties but not been able to see my whole family because of some stupid fights between my aunts and well we all end up paying because we miss out on seeing the whole family. 

-Saw the mexico team and got some autographs from them, also saw them played @ Qualcomm and won against Chile despite that horrendous defeat again them in the Quarterfinals for the Copa America. 

-Visited my family and goods friends up in LA/OC area 

-Started my new job which like I said, I'm still getting use to it

-Installed some parts in my car to "make it sound and go faster" it was difficult since I just learned car stuff as I go.

-Pokemon Go has been sorta the highlight of my last 10 days or so. 

tbh, my highlight of my summer was the last week of June, when I finally saw her for dinner, we had sushi at some place, I remember waiting in my car for her to arrive. I was nervous and scared. My hunger went away. She was wearing a backpack/bag and overalls. Beautiful as always, I remembered everything we talked about. I was trying my hardest to enjoy the moment and make it last a while because did not know when it would be the next time I see her. damn even writing this right now is hard for me, wish I could change the way things were between us, yet it is clearly out of my hands.

Like I said nothing really exciting/new has happened, (besides me having dinner with her). I'm still not happy, I might seem like I am but I am not. It is pointless to do stuff yet have nothing there to share it with. So many things I want to share with her and talk to her about my new job or silly articles I've read here and there, chords and line of songs she has inspired me to create. but unfortunately that isn't happening. It is not the reality. It still all part in my head. 

If there is one thing I've clearly learned throughout this process is that 

sometimes you meet someone, and it is so clear that the two of you on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, family or something entirely different. You just work. whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate or sheer blind luck but it definitely makes me believe in something. So I know sooner or later we will end up together. Call me crazy, but there is no one that will ever compare to you. 

-sf