35. More Life

Thursday, March 30th 2017

We are about to enter a new phase, new routines, new lifestyles . This time in our lives in almost over. Soon, we will be spread out across the country, kissing strangers and finding new jobs.

Slowly moving forward from who we were here. Soon I will wake and be years away from this moment and time will make ghost of us. 

Something I learned in college was that life can be the sunshine, on peaceful days with bright blue skies. 

Life can also be the raindrops that fall like tears squeezed from your eyes. 

Life can be the heaven that you'll only reach through hell. 

Since you won't know that you are happy, if you have not been sad as well. 

Life can teach hard lessons but you will be wiser once you know that even roses need both sunshine and a touch of rain to grow. 

One thing that I want to change about life after college is change the way we view life. It is sad because we spend half of our lives planning the future and the other half reliving the past. 

I noticed that I became a master at breaking my own heart. With simple thoughts, dreams, and hopes that are impossible to achieve. 

Things that I will never accomplish, places I will never go, and people I will never be able to love. Because my mind holds me back so very much it makes me sad and frustrated. 

But no matter what you must keep a positive attitude and believe that the present will be great. Stop focusing on the past and the future because we are forgetting about the present and we not enjoying it to the fullest. 

I will end with this. The social media influences in our generation are causing us to suffer. I think what bothers me the most, is that people are living a life knowing that someone else could live better .

-sf

34. Dear Habibti

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Habibti,

These past days have felt a little bit odd. the best way i can describe it is feeling like a fish out of water, or maybe more like a bird in the sea. Because I'm certain I'm drowning in a place I was never meant to be. 

I miss those days when the night was ending and I knew I had to say goodbye, my heart would get this sinking feeling wishing I could have more time with you. Time moved too fast when you were by my side. I got lost in your smile, your laughter, your eyes. Before I knew it, I was back at home wishing I had more time with you. 

and it'll always go back to the little things.

Like you standing next to me or that cheesy look you would die me from across the room. 

When you randomly call just to hear my voice, when you laugh at my ridiculous jokes. When you pull me in closer, when you texted me good morning. 

When you wanted to watch a movie with me. One of my favorite things in the world is just spending time with you. 

In a world that has so much chaos, You choose to love me through the chaos.

Thank you

Sebby

33. The Best Side of Me is You

December 12, 2016


I want to take all the scraps that you dislike about yourself and display them on my refrigerator to show you I'm still proud of the person you are and the person you are becoming. 
I want to spin you like a glove and drag my finger across till it stops to discover the pieces of you that you've yet to reveal to anyone else.
I want to wrap them up in linen and place them in an old cigar box, I'd tuck it away safely in the top drawer of my bedside table so you know i'll never let those pieces of you go

Because when you share hidden parts of yourself with someone else, you're trusting that person to hold the secret sections of your heart and to love the bits you thought were unlovable.

-sf

32. Rainy Days

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I am extremely blessed to have had the opportunity to celebrate another birthday with you. This one though was a unique experience and I will add that to our memory repertoire that forever lives in my mind and my heart. We sat in my car waiting for the rain to settle. We had our usual laughs but what was going through my mind while seeing the rain was that if you look at it closely, it collides with the pavement and disperses. It reminds me of the way i fell into you; helplessly hopelessly and in entirety. Me as a whole crashing down and becoming lost in you. 

I hope you realized that even in  raining days when the skies are gray and the sun does not seem to be present, I know that I can look at you and I will see sunshine on a rainy day. 

-sf

31. What Time Does

November 20, 2016

Havent been able to write in a while, but I stopped being busy and decided to write and reflex on stuff. I lost my inspiration since you have been gone. It's been about a year and a half but it seems like it's been longer.

Over this time apart I've learned more and more such as no mountain nor sea, no thing in this world could keep us apart. Because this is not my world. You are. 

Ive learned that once you fall in love no distance is too long, no darkness is too dark. No sadness is too sad. 

I've learned that once you fall in love time no longer matters. Forever is your pattern. Once you fall in love you love with all you have. Despite what people maybe have to add

I've learned that sexy isn't always about boobs or butts like we are taught in society and the media, its' the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you think.

And the thing is you still effect me, like a thunderstorm when I don't expect it. 

I know one year I would marry you, have kids, buy a house with a garden, cook dinner for you, travel the world, be a husband a lover a father a friend and in time when I feel weak, I will remind myself of how life was without you and it would make stronger to fight through whatever it is what we are going through but we would do it as a team cause it'll be you and me against the world like it was since day 1. 

-sf 

30. 9x-7i > 3(3x-7u)

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Once again, it has been a while since I've done this, hopefully I still have the magic touch on blogging. Anyways I've been busy, haven't posted anything since July I think.

Little update since then: 

-Finally quit my restaurant job, and it feels great no longer working nights, although I'm still up late because of school and well constantly thinking of you (that's an obvious one).
-Got my school schedule, it kinda sucks because 2 classes are really long (3 hours) but other than that its not too bad.
-I turned 21 which was nice, now I can go out with friends whenever we go watch a game and i can get a beer and try different ones which is awesome yet pricey because well beer is expensive.

But for the most part everything is quite steady. I still think of you every second of the day, I still wonder if you are doing ok and I'm sure you are I just miss you, a lot which is normal. Everything reminds me of you and before it used to be a sad thing because i would get down and be like ahhh but now its nice because it just gives me more reasons to be strong and have faith that this nightmare will end soon and we will look back at this and laugh.

We fell in love so young, and odds predict that is not gonna hold in the long run, but I really believe it will, because for you I would run to the sun and back, just in case you need a little sunlight. No mountain, nor sea, no thing of this world could keep us apart, because is not my world... you are.

The thing I've learned the most over this period is this:

The difference between "like", "love" and "in love" is the same as the difference between "for now", "for a while" and "forever". I used to say I love you, but I've discovered that I was saying that wrong, because I am in love with you dg.

p.s i want you to solve the title, and never forget that answer because I meant it before, i mean it now, and i will always mean that.

-sf

29. Out of my hands

Sunday, July 17th, 2016.

Haven't blogged in over 4 months! Wow, I gotta stop being busy and continue to let some feelings out vs keeping them in. Here's a recap of my life these past 4 months (not that exciting but here it comes)

Not much has really changed really lol. Finished the semester, though it was a sad one since I'm not longer going to have classes with her since she graduated. Sucks that I was not invited to her graduation, that really hurt me but what can you do. Hmm two of my good friends got married in May so that was exciting, extremely happy for them and wish them nothing but the best. I started working at a financial institution which I cannot reveal the name due to social media policies we have but it's ok. I'm still adapting to it and making myself more comfortable so I like it. Still hoping I can get that government job I want so badly so I feel more comfortable once I graduate college (may 2017) 

-Have not recorded anything new as far as music wise so I'm trying to get that done because I know once school starts it is going to be a pain to do it.

-I'm trying to get back into basketball once again since I feel like I sorta felt out of technique and passion for it but just due to lack of time. 

-I went to the Bernie Sanders parade back in March, that was pretty cool. 

-Kobe Bryant aka my idol retired so that was pretty emotional day for me. 

-Letting my hair and facial hair grow but honestly it is just another way for me to get distracted and not think about her. 

-Got my barona membership and I've been going every once in awhile to keep myself busy, I'd say I won more times than I'd lost so that's always a good thing.

-Been to a few baseball games with friends; one of those games I went with my biological father whom I've not seen in 16 years so that happened, it was sort of weird. 

-Had a couple family parties but not been able to see my whole family because of some stupid fights between my aunts and well we all end up paying because we miss out on seeing the whole family. 

-Saw the mexico team and got some autographs from them, also saw them played @ Qualcomm and won against Chile despite that horrendous defeat again them in the Quarterfinals for the Copa America. 

-Visited my family and goods friends up in LA/OC area 

-Started my new job which like I said, I'm still getting use to it

-Installed some parts in my car to "make it sound and go faster" it was difficult since I just learned car stuff as I go.

-Pokemon Go has been sorta the highlight of my last 10 days or so. 

tbh, my highlight of my summer was the last week of June, when I finally saw her for dinner, we had sushi at some place, I remember waiting in my car for her to arrive. I was nervous and scared. My hunger went away. She was wearing a backpack/bag and overalls. Beautiful as always, I remembered everything we talked about. I was trying my hardest to enjoy the moment and make it last a while because did not know when it would be the next time I see her. damn even writing this right now is hard for me, wish I could change the way things were between us, yet it is clearly out of my hands.

Like I said nothing really exciting/new has happened, (besides me having dinner with her). I'm still not happy, I might seem like I am but I am not. It is pointless to do stuff yet have nothing there to share it with. So many things I want to share with her and talk to her about my new job or silly articles I've read here and there, chords and line of songs she has inspired me to create. but unfortunately that isn't happening. It is not the reality. It still all part in my head. 

If there is one thing I've clearly learned throughout this process is that 

sometimes you meet someone, and it is so clear that the two of you on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, family or something entirely different. You just work. whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate or sheer blind luck but it definitely makes me believe in something. So I know sooner or later we will end up together. Call me crazy, but there is no one that will ever compare to you. 

-sf