Sunday, October 11, 2015
I realized that my blog took a weird spin between personal problems, emotions, etc. Despite the chaos going on in my life, I managed to retain a sense of equanimity. I'm slowly catching up on all my school stuff, I'll be honest but I've lost my passion for school. I still love my major but my incentive to do well it's gone. It was bound to happen but it's difficult getting up in the mornings, not even wanting to go to my International Econ Problems because I've got some Local Life Problems, haha my humor is still bad, guess somethings don't change. Yeah, these past weeks have I've been jaded & maudlin but as an Economist I must believe things will be better, gotta be optimistic!
Music has been a key factor to keeping my emotions under control (in a sense). It's so interesting how music is so powerful and allows one to let things out and feel free. I've tried to pick up new hobbies to be distracted such as reading, picking up my piano skills, new shows on Netflix. I should focus more on school which is my plan starting today. I need to at least review my notes everyday and make it a time schedule sorta "job" otherwise it'll continue being distracted. It's so easy being distracted when everything around me reminds me of her. Took a few days of suffering but I've admit it to myself that we won't be together and I'm okay with that now. I just need time to heal and move it. I know she reads this blog, maybe she stopped; doesn't really matter at this point. I've always been such a happy person and I don't plan on having someone drag me down. If someone does not love you anymore and does not want to be with you, stick up for yourself and move on because you'll be on the hook within the ship and it's a never-ending journey that at least in my experience didn't lead to nowhere but anyway, this was my last time talking about me and what I feel, can't risk her getting anymore information about what's going on in my life, she choose to not let me be a part of her life so I won't let her be a part of mines either.
What sucks is that she is every place I see, sabotages my potential future with someone else. I started talking to someone else but its not the same, and I fear it'll be like this with the next one or the next one after that one. See, the truth is despite nothing will be the same as it was, theres something so frighting about the future. I'm not afraid of commitment, nor being fully devoted towards a person. Perhaps is the fear of you maybe coming back to me, or simply fear of making a new beginning. What sucks is that i'm afraid of hurting more people while you're still running my mind. I try to not let it affect me but somehow, one way or another, it does. Yet I still believe in a bright future for me with or without you in it.
I've been writing a collaboration album for about 4 years now. Once again, music has helped me stay here. There's something to magical about the power of melodies combined with words that makes something so simple become something so powerful. Anyway, stay tune for some songs to be leaked here :O I think it's time to release them but at their adequate time.
What I want you to take out of this post is; if you feel trapped by a difficult situation that keeps re-appearing, no matter what you do, be kind to yourself, be honest, be curious, be aware, be experimental, be grateful. "Don't let today's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow's teams"
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