27. Days Become Weeks

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The days are becoming week now and nothing much has changed as I expected. As a matter of fact, things have changed just in the wrong direction. I see her twice a week which is a blessing for me but feels like it's her worst days of the week. Once a week I get this sense of hope that she'll change her mind and will run back into my arms but I know that day seems farther than Jupiter. I feel like whenever she is alone with me she's a different person but when she is with her friend she acts another way; almost like if I wasn't there. She has seen me in the library a couple times and I've always felt ignored (can't blame her she's pushing me away) but still I don't understand how someone could "love" another and simply ignore them or not acknowledge they are they and not act like it's some stranger you just met from class. We've known each other for 5 years now and one would think that the level of respect and politeness would be there but I guess she truly wants me out of her life. 

Today she was wearing a beautiful florescent dress with black high top converse. Her hair was down like it usually is, and I absorbed her scent since she walked in the room. She said "hey" and I said "hi" but I thought she would approach me but she did the opposite, she walked away to another table. I was doing homework but after a couple minutes of constantly staring at her and watching how happy she was at that moment and now once she looked back to see me. I gather my belonging and stepped out to a new location to avoid weeping and putting myself to ridicule. I didn't even say bye because I didn't want to interrupt her interaction with her friend and wanted to avoid breaking down in front of her.

It's sad how things change, maybe for the best or for the worst. Seems like for the worst for me. I have not managed to be happy for more than 2 hours in this year. To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to achieve that until she comes back to me which seems like an eternity away.

-sf