11. Love Hurts But Sometimes It's A Good Thing

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Us humans go through lots of ups and downs throughout our lives. They say you learn who your true friends are when you are down. Sometimes we go through confusing times where one tries to talk to other people maybe for advice but also like me prefer to keep certain aspects of life to myself. Personally I'm going through a tough situation that not even I can understand. I use to think that if two people love each other they would try to work stuff out to be together but I was wrong; that is not the case with my situation. 

One can do all to achieve that goal but if the other person does not help and collaborate with you, then one person cant do it by themselves. Trust me, I've tried but that clearly failed. The sad thing is that I continue to do things like this to myself. I don't sleep because I'm thinking of her, maybe I'm on the internet browsing at a nice ring that will make her jaw dropped, sometimes I try to add lyrics or melodies to the collab album I've been writing for her, doesn't matter at the end of the day that is what I'm doing. I wake up thinking of her, go through my day thinking of her, go to sleep thinking of her. I try so hard to not think what she is thinking about because I clearly know its not me. I know when she wakes up, there was better things on her mind than me. I know her everyday decisions have no influence with me whatsoever, and the saddest thing about that is that regardless of me knowing that, I continue to think of her. I cannot help myself but wait and hope one day she realizes what I do, what I sacrifice for her and truly understand the dynamic of my feelings. But as the calendar days fade away that reality seems more and more far away. Its not about having time to hangout and being together all the time, life does happen and one is busy but its about making time. Feeling like I'm worth even 5 minutes sometimes. Feeling loved without being shut down periodically. Feeling missed without having to be the first one to say it. Feeling like your dreams cant become a reality. 

But as much as you get shut down, you must keep going. That's what I've gotten out of all of this. As much as you get beat down emotionally, you gotta keep trying. One can learn a lot from this, yeah the heart will be hurt, you'll want silence and have anxiety to cry, and theres nothing with with that. But when you feel hurt by that person just tell them to stop, to give you space, maybe don't communicate with that person for a couple days or a week. Might help them think and appreciate you, might have no effect because while you are trying your hardest to not talk to this person, that person might not even be thinking about you. The moral to the blog is, keep going strong regardless of how beat down you might be. Because that is what I keep doing, might get shut down today and it'll be there tomorrow to showcase what I have to offer. "You can turn off the sun, but i'm still going to shine" -Mraz.